What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 15:04
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We all went to grammer schools
Republicans, why do you support Kamala Harris over Donald Trump?
I said to her
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What will the legacy of Jimmy Carter be in light of his death today at 100?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
How do police officers feel about the fear they instill into criminals?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What are some ways to get sweaty before a concert?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Have you ever had sex with sisters?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What is your interpretation of the movie Rocky? What makes it a good film in your opinion?
What did i know ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
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She was in good health!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What is your twin flame story?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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I was 9 years of age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it wasn’t much.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Who then, do I blame.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So whats the point in blame.
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was scared of men, in general
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is soul school!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Ive learnt so much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was very sick at this time too.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I waited trembling.
It was going to be , some day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im still living with it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When she asked me how she looked .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.